- 5 days ago
- 3 min read
The, Like, Fortification of Asgard
So, the Norse gods built a city on the hill
all gleaming and shit, but these gods weren’t exactly…
apex. There were giants and whatever all over,
and apparently they were badasses and could kill gods
so the Aesir wanted a safe space to do god stuff.
Aesir is like their club. Anyway, they were scared shitless
that their city would be trashed so they jumped
when some traveling smith chump boasted
he could build them a wall in three seasons,
but only in exchange for a steep fee, see
he’d get to marry and carry away Freya,
their Bo Derek in the 80s, or like, Aphrodite—
and she’s also Odin’s side piece. Then he said
oh, and throw in the sun and the moon too.
The head honchos were like, fuck that noise,
anyway, I think guy’s a giant, But Loki
is all like, come on, no way he can do it
like he was challenging the pizza guy
at a 30-minutes-or-it’s-free place with a huge order.
They hedged their bets because Loki’s
a whiny little bitch when he doesn’t get his way,
but they sure as shit didn’t want to make Freya
take that big of one for the team. So they say
you gotta do that shit in one season, thinking whatever—
he will either say no or build us half a wall and fail.
I mean, who doesn’t want half a free wall?
But dude had a badass eight-legged horse
that carried a shit-ton of bricks, and as the season waned,
Odin called a council all serious, like, we promised,
and we’re not breaking our promise, and now dude
looks like he’ll finish his end of the contract. If he does,
it’s on you, Loki. And Freya lifted Loki up by the collar
and was like, if I have to marry a fucking giant
I’ll gut you and use what’s left of your last meal
to fertilize whatever garden I can grow in his cave.
Loki’s like, Chill, I got this, I’m the trickster god—
no problemo. He went off to tent his fingers and scheme,
but no bathtub Eureka moments came. Finally, with the sun
almost up, he figures without the horse, guy’s fucked,
then we get an almost finished wall to keep out,
well, his type, and he has to fuck off back to Giantville.
So Loki transforms into a horse because, well,
he just can, whatever, deal with it it’s god-shit—
and he makes flirty eyes at the macho horse
on one of his early morning trips. The next section,
for Loki, is a bit like Jesus’ teenage years,
as in no one knows what shenanigans he was up to,
but while he’s gone the giant gets pissed
that his horse is missing and he’s stuck metaphorically
paying for all that pizza without even getting laid.
He blows his top and his God-disguise
and apparently it’s just cool to kill giants,
because Odin’s like, rad, you’re not one of us
and one-shots him with his giant gold spear
even though a minute ago they were honor-bound
to fulfill their end of the deal, but being a giant
it’s like, whatever, kill it—? Dude built a bad ass wall.
Also, seems giants weren’t such a threat
but—now they have a huge wall to keep them out anyway.
Loki comes back eventually with a mutated foal—
the thing’s rocking eight legs and mischievous eyes
and he won’t say where he got it but gives it to Odin
and is like, someone finish the damn wall already,
I’m tired as shit. Now, I know this is a metaphor
for politics today, I’m just not quite positive
on all the logistics, like who it is that got fucked by the horse—
but I’m pretty sure it was America.
ZEBULON HUSET is a public high school teacher, writer and photographer. He won the Gulf Stream Summer Poetry Contest and his writing has appeared in Best New Poets, Meridian, Smartish Pace, The Southern Review, Fence and others. He edits the prompt-based Sparked Literary Magazine, which is back from hiatus in 2026.