i'm so fine
after khadijah queen
after i wrote the book i cut all my hair off so yes i haven’t always been a baldheaded baddie except for when i was born into the world in the middle of yet another fight between my parents & yes it is indeed a truth that my existence has always been contentious but a bitch always been here matter fact i’ve been everywhere for example in your man’s bed & i promise this isn't a flex it’s just a fact but if we’re being honest i have every right to flex matter fact let me take a second right here to flashback to when you called me ugly & only worthy of backshots but it was only because you were insecure once you found out your man was attracted to a thick darkskinned girl with big lips & you realized 3c hair & boring sex couldn't save you oh shit but since we’re here in the business of flexing remember all the times i didn't have to try and effortlessly put my legs up next to lashes on the nightstand & who even knows if they were yours girl you were just a thought bubble at this point or remember when i showed up in my work outfit on the day i wanted to look cute & like i gave a damn about my sinking ship of a job but anyway it was a yellow cardigan on top of my black “be yourself” t-shirt with an alien breaking out of a white girl’s face & my favorite ripped jeans & doc martens & honestly it really didn't matter what i wore because it ended up on the floor anyway but anyhow my finest moments were never fucking in that bed on halsted or the hotel rooms or the cars or even the videos you probably cried watching because they’re actually when you’re sitting on the couch watching step sisters or whatever it is that birds watch these days & i pop into your brain completely unannounced or the moments when you visit my page under an incognito tab or even moments like this where you’re visiting your favorite bookstore after a fight with him & see my fine ass shining at you like the biggest kool-aid smile from the aisles
FULLAMUSU BANGURA is a writer originally from Washington, DC, currently residing in Chicago. They are the author of the essay-book “ . . . Considers Lil’ Kim’s Hard Core.” Their poems have been published in New Delta Review, Brink Literary Journal, and Apogee Journal, and they were a 2020 Best of the Net Poetry finalist. Their personal essays and culture writing can be found in Catapult Magazine, Bitch Magazine, and The Gumbo.